


One Day Your Wounds Just Don't Heal

by ancamna0



Category: Generation Kill, The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Multi, Old Guard AU, One Sided Brad Colbert/Nate Fick, One Sided Doc Bryan/Nate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-26
Updated: 2020-09-26
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:28:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26659717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ancamna0/pseuds/ancamna0
Summary: Nate has lived a long life, and is accepting of the end.
Relationships: John Christeson/Evan Stafford, Nate Fick/Ray Person, Nate Fick/Walt Hasser/Ray Person
Comments: 4
Kudos: 16





	One Day Your Wounds Just Don't Heal

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Pashalawa](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pashalawa/gifts).



The feeling of a knife driving into his heart will never be unfamiliar. So many years of fighting, of battle, of war, had nearly numbed Nathanael to it. But this was to be the last time. The final touch of metal that would be the end of him. And no better person to end this long existence than the one he had failed for so long. He could not help but smile.

Nate loved Ray. He had been alone for a very long time, long enough to be unable to remember his family’s faces, long enough to have trouble remembering just how many cycles it had been, long enough to be very tired. And he had been alone that whole time. Causes and comrades in arms had come and gone, but that meant little beyond the moment, month, year they lasted. To be utterly alone for so long was devastating and, with no end in sight, excruciating. But then Ray.

He had had dreams of a young man dying and being reborn for many seasons by then, but Raphael, Ray as he preferred, was to be the first he found. He did not understand the dreams, but he found him regardless. Perhaps a higher power drew them together, though such beliefs he had discarded long ago. Ray was at the end of his efforts, dying and living and dying again in perpetua. But he found him and brought him back to full health, and together they were  _ living _ again. Such joy he had not felt for his existence in a long time, and Ray was the source.

Ray was quick and clever in battle, just as witty in conversation, and remarkably kind and thoughtful. Together they were better, together they were whole, or at least Nate felt as such. When they found Walthari, he was a welcome addition to their duo. Walt had been in their dreams, and now they knew what that meant. But the world was not so easily and quickly traveled then, and it took many years until they located him. They were quite amused to see him set up as an unwilling god, his undying a celebrated trait and his golden hair a rarity in those parts. He had been traveling to find them, already cleverer than they had been the first time, and been killed while passing through a village. It was a fond memory of rescuing him and escaping through the trees, laughing and already feeling as if they belonged. Ray and Walt were his, and Nate would let nothing harm them.

But they did not understand their immortality, believed it to be endless as cruel a thought as that was. Perhaps they were too cavalier, but they continued on his quest to help people and use their immortality to benefit those who had need. And Walt paid the price. It had only been a few hundred years, a pittance in comparison to Nate’s own long life, or Ray’s. But an arrow downed Walt mid-battle, and he did not rise. He and Ray had been busy chasing the last of the remnants of the enemy faction away, expecting Walt to be at their backs with his bow and calling out any trouble they did not see. But he was not. Ray dropped down first, cradling his head, demanding that Nate  _ do _ something. But what basic aid he could give would not help. Walt himself had removed the arrow and looked at peace with his coming end. And Nate could but stand there helplessly as Ray cried over their fallen companion, their lost love.

That was the day they learned they  _ could _ have an end. Walt was a quiet one, sweet and affectionate and calm under pressure. He was the quiet to Ray’s rambunctious voice, and the sweetness to Nate’s own cold hard shell from too many years. He was a balm to their souls that they did not know they needed until he appeared. And then he was gone.

They continued as before, Ray and Nate together facing down armies and helping the helpless. In that time, they did not have to be so careful with their presence, or worry so much about their immortality. And despite their own mortality staring them in the face with Walt’s death, they were even less careful, even more prone to attacking ever harder and faster. Nate’s careful plans took a break and they did not rest or take care any longer. They were both hurting deeply from Walt’s loss, and they were incapable of dealing with it. Their own death was now visible, and there was no Walt to soothe them. No kind but implacable words of restraint and caution. No gentle caresses or quiet moments side by side. Ray was his other half and they were as magnificent together as they had always been. But part of their heart was now missing.

The dreams started again perhaps 50 years later. Dreams of two young men this time, and off they went to find them. They would not replace Walt, and they did not expect them to, but this gave them a purpose besides war and fighting a seemingly losing battle against their grief. Evander and Johannes had a unique story and were a unique pair. Meeting across battle lines and killing each other many times before taking the time to understand the dream they had and their undying. They were a couple in love, Evan far more outgoing and John a quiet, eager presence by his side. They were young and to see them so in love and happy with their life, and together, was the needed catalyst for Nate and Ray. They were not whole, but Walt would want them to continue to live and love. He had said as much with his dying breath, but they had been too blind with rage and grief to listen.

They traveled and fought together many years, but more often than not would part ways on their own paths sending for the other when needed. And they were happy. Content. Nate and Ray had each other, their other half, and the world kept moving. Nate had a cold edge to him, would get lost in the years and the ache of being alive. But Ray was there with his infectious laugh and his dirty jokes. He delighted in reciting ridiculous poetry and songs for Nate, and very rarely failed to get a smile. And they were happy.

They were not a pair to turn away from hardship or a worthy cause to champion from the shadows. And the witch trials were one such atrocity they turned their attention to. They spent years secreting away women and men the night before their ‘trials’. Until they themselves were caught. The execution did not take the first time, or the third, and that was more than proof of practicing maleficium. Even then, they were together and not yet dead, so they did not worry. They had sent for Evan and John before they were caught, and expected them to arrive soon. And they did not worry.

Then they came with that dreaded iron maiden. Nate will never forget Ray’s screams. His name on Ray’s lips should never sound so full of terror and pain and desperation. Evan and John did come. They rescued Nate, but were too late to get to Ray. He had already been tossed overboard and they could locate no manifest or sailor to interrogate. Nate lost his smile, his laughter, his other half, and once more he was alone.

Nate was cold and aloof and driven only to his self-given mission of helping people. But he was far more careful now. Walt’s voice whispering in his ear to be careful, and Ray’s scorn that the plan was not good enough, what about their flank? Evan and John tried to stick with him, tried to get him to lighten up with gifts and jokes and song, but he was not moved. They drifted apart and together as before, but it hurt them to see Nate so hard.

They dreamt of Timothée Bryan a couple centuries later. He was a wartime medic and easily placed, so they found him quickly. Doc, as he insisted, was an older man with a wife and children only part grown. It was not so easy for him to abandon them and so he did not. Doc did join them on their little missions, but he would always return to his family. Until it was only a son left. A son who cursed him and hated him for his un-aging and undying. And Tim turned bitter, and turned to drink, and was always the first to volunteer for the jobs most likely to get him killed in the hopes that they would. And Nate watched over him. A new immortal gave him purpose, as Evan and John did not need him. Doc enjoyed the company, needed the support, and Nate was there to give him a firm boot when he fell too hard on the drink. And they reached an equilibrium of sorts. 

Nate would never know that the care he showed Doc in his darkest days would inspire the deepest loyalty and love in him. Would never know that Doc  _ still _ had dreams of Ray screaming and struggling in an iron coffin at the bottom of the sea, dying and living and dying again. Would never know that that was why he searched for a ‘cure’, a true death, for himself as much as for Nate.

Would never know until the events with Copley, and their capture.

Nate was so tired by then. He had been for centuries, but the visibility of the world was exhausting. He could now see that his little missions did next to nothing. The world was not getting better. They were not helping. And if they were not, then why were they here? What was their purpose all these long years?

Brad Colbert was. Unexpected. He was not so easily led. He wanted answers and he was not afraid to fight back. Nate felt the first spark of interest that he had felt in centuries. Not since Ray. Qtip and Christeson, as they started going by in the last century, looked up to him. And even Doc put him on some sort of pedestal. But here Brad was immediately fighting back against him, and he was  _ good _ too. He was a proud Recon Marine, and he would not go gentle into the good night. And it thrilled Nate. Brad’s retelling of his dream, of Ray still  _ suffering _ and being driven mad was a soul deep ache. But Brad was like the first breath of fresh air he had had since Ray’s death. And it soothed him even as it awoke something in him. 

Realizing his oncoming mortality, that this was the last life he would live, did not frighten him. Death never had, even all those years ago with that first death. But with Brad at his side, he could once more feel alive again, and that made death worth it. He could see that Brad respected him, loved him even, if he would let him. But Nate knew the pain of love and immortality, and would not allow any sort of feelings to be reciprocated. When Brad returned for them, rescued them, he was so proud of his choice, standing by them, coming back for them despite his life and family. And he  _ did _ love him for that. But he would never put someone through the pain of love and loss on the scale only immortality can imbue.

Doc’s betrayal hurt, but he was right. Nate did understand. He would never, this was the deepest betrayal of them, but he could understand. And this would be the last time he could see him. He  _ did _ know how Doc felt. He  _ did _ know about the dreams. And despite the soul deep betrayal, to give them unto their enemy, to knowingly imprison them, he forgave him. And it hurt that this would be the last time he would see him, but even if this was his last life, he would not see Timothée again.

He and Brad had traveled the world. Helping in areas within the Middle East Brad knew were ignored, getting needed supplies to those villages behind blockades. And they took a rest in Greece, one of Nate’s favorite places, before setting off again. He wanted to share the timeless places that soothed him, before his final end would come. He still thought of Walt often, and he always had Ray on his mind. He shared with Brad the stories of them and the happy times this life could bring. Brad asked for the information they had gathered on Ray’s location, had some ideas on ways they could coordinate a deep-sea search, entities to employ, the equipment involved. They were in the middle of one such discussion when he heard his name in that voice, free of fear or pain, but full of anger. He stood up and turned, and there was Ray.

**Author's Note:**

> So. Uh.   
> I had an idea for an Old Guard AU for the GK boys that I am fleshing out with Pashalawa. But a 'bad ending' for that AU would not get out of my head, so here that is.   
> Maybe one day I'll write more for the happier version of my AU, but as it stands, this is it.  
> I chose older origins for their names, hopefully they fit okay.
> 
> Beta by Pashalawa :)


End file.
